You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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