I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
