Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
