You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
