I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
