I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
