I looked at my own cervix.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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