i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
