i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
