every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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