So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
