i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
