i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
