You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
