between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
