U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
