Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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