he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
now i know why i became what i already was.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
