Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
