Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
