please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
