I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize