SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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