On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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