There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
