And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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