im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize