Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize