I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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