Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
