I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
