this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
