Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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