I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
