Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
