Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
