bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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