Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
