I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
