i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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