By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize