new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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