we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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