i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
