Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize