the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize