hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
