I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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