trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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