If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
