I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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