took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was CRYING into my vagina
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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