Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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