trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
