you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need moral support for this bender
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
