Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
