the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
40s are totally the cure
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
