I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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