Having a random hookup so left but love u
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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