There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
