i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
