I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
