dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
