Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
